Since August?

Has it really been that long? Jeez. You'd think I'd been busy or something!

Well, it's into November now and I have never been more ready for a year to be over. It has been a loooong one. There has just been too much for me to handle this year. Somehow I think (maybe, possibly) I might actually survive all of the losses and never ending hospital time. I even manged to land myself in one! Good gracious.

The plus side of 2008 has been Evan. Without a doubt. I wouldn't have made it through without him. And the week we spent in the hospital did nothing but, strengthen us. I say we because he rarely left my side. He was a constant in a place that he hates. He held my hand while I slept, fetched my whatever I needed and slept in a most uncomfortable chair.

We've finally got it right. Wow. Finally after all these years and after all of the issues that MM brought into my life, I've gotten it right. I can see my future in Evan's eyes. It's an amazing sight. And what's even more amazing is others can see it too. Mom, Dad, Staci and all of our friends finally see it too.

We've got 20 more days of November and December and then it's that new beginning. It's the new year and a time of change and letting go. It's a time to remember and learn and hopefully, start planning one kick-a party for the fall of 2009.

I hope to be able to look back on this year and remember the love that was felt even on the worst of days. I want to be able to look back on certain days and not see the tears or the heartache but, instead see who was standing with me on those days. Or, who I was standing with. It's been a hard year on more than just me. On her, it's been the hardest ever. I only hope that when she looks back she sees the love that surrounds her and can feel the flutter of the wings.