I found this....

Friendships are good for us,
contributing to our sense of selfworth.
They make our lives fun
and more meaningful. Having
someone to share successes, failures,
hopes, and dreams with is a
precious thing. But like every relationship,
friendships can change.
Not all of them are meant to last.
As we grow older, our attitudes,
beliefs, behaviors, and interests
change. This can have an impact
on our relationships with friends.
Two people who were close in high
school may grow apart if one goes
to college and the other marries
and starts a family. Neighborhood
friends may drift apart when one
family moves to another state.
Co-workers who are close friends
may suddenly find they have little
in common when one takes a
different job.
Short-Term and Long-Term
Friendships
There are two general types of
friendships: long-term and shortterm.
Long-term friends are those
that we have known a very long
time and with whom we have
shared a lifetime’s worth of memories.
Life changes (such as marriages,
divorces, health problems,
or retirement) rarely have any
impact on long-term friendships.
Short-term friendships, on the
other hand, often develop as a
result of everyday life events.
Neighbors, workout partners, book
club buddies, or the fellow parents
with whom you watch your child’s
soccer game are some good examples
of people who may fall into
the short-term friendship category.
These friendships generally do not
last forever. They serve a purpose
at a specific time in your life.
When to End a Friendship
Some friendships, like the shortterm
ones, will dissolve as life
changes. When the pottery class or
the softball season ends, chances
are the friendships made in those
situations won’t continue. You had
something in common with that
person for a time, but now those
circumstances have ended and the
odds are that you will both move
on to other things.
Other friendships don’t end as
easily. Whether short-term or longterm,
troubled friendships may
reach a point where they have to
be dissolved. If you are spending
valuable time on a relationship
that is unhealthy or that doesn’t
add to your life, you could be
sacrificing your emotional health
and happiness. Signs that it is
time to end a friendship include:
• Gradual distancing. You
may not have as much fun
with the person as you once
did and each of you may begin
to pull away from the other.
• High maintenance
behavior. Spending time
with a certain person may
require a lot of effort —
perhaps more than you
are comfortable giving.
• Betrayal. Your friend may
have hurt you once, or do so
repeatedly or in a deliberate
manner.
Ways to End a Friendship
Ending a friendship is not easy.
Most people want to avoid conflict
and don’t want to hurt the feelings
of someone they once cared about.
Because of this, many people
stay in unhealthy friendships
and sacrifice their own happiness.
As with most relationships, being
in a friendship that is hurtful or
in which you don’t feel supported
can lead to stress and feelings of
low self-esteem.
If you feel it’s necessary to
end a friendship, there are two
approaches that you can take:
• Directly. While this is the
most effective approach, it’s
not easy. If conflict is involved,
being assertive is an honest
approach because it lets both
people know where they stand.
If you choose this method, do
not accuse or blame the other
person. State your position
clearly and calmly by using “I”
statements, such as “I feel . . .”
or “I think it would be best
if . . .” This gives you a
better chance of ending the
friendship on a positive note.
• Indirectly. Simply letting
a relationship die by not
phoning as frequently or
agreeing to meet as often is a
method that some people use
to withdraw gracefully from
a friendship. Being less active
in the friendship creates emotional
and physical distance.
This can be particularly
effective when a person needs
some breathing space but has
not yet decided to end the
friendship for good. The downside
to this method is that it
may create confusion in the
friend, who may not understand
or agree with the decision
to create some distance.
Ending a friendship is never an
easy decision. It should only be
done after you have decided that
your relationship cannot be saved
and that you are better off without
that person in your life. If you
have doubts later on, it may be
worthwhile to remind yourself
of the long-term consequences of
staying in an unhealthy situation.
Remember that you are making
room in your life for more
positive
and nurturing people.

When is enough, enough?

When is the point that you just save whatever dignity you have left and just bow out gracefully...or in my case without falling over? When do you know when the time has come to just walk away?

I'm torn. I've been torn.

Yesterday, I surrounded myself with four other women and we had a blast. There was no drama. We talked and giggled about everything but, drama. It was wonderful. I don't get that very often.

I'm in an impossible situation. No matter what they say, I'm stuck in the middle of two of the very best people. But, here's the catch. One is still present in my life. One realizes that I'm having my own heartaches and mini battles while the other seemingly doesn't notice my absence that she created. I've tried. Lord knows I've tried.

I've invited to meet up. To do fun normal things. Instead I get blown off or accused of ambushing. That isn't fair. But, what is even worse is that now I'm worried about her. I'm worried about her stability and mental health. I of all people know that you can only hold so much inside for so long without it having some kind of effect on how you see the world.

I know it is pointless to fight for a relationship that the other half isn't willing to fight for. I know this. I learned this lesson. Yet, I still find myself defending, wanting to talk to, wanting to see...and still I get nothing in return.

I deserve better than nothing. I deserve and true friend who is there for me every step of the way. Yes, we all have our own lives but, friendships are supposed to enrich those lives. I'd hardly call arguing, blaming, and definitely not forgiving enrichment.

I've come undone

I knew it was coming. I could feel it bubbling. I just didn't know what would set off the eruption. Apparently, absolutely nothing. I literally went from fine to definitely not fine in .3 seconds. Everything that has been bottled up since December 26 came out. All of the hurt, anger, sadness, grief, guilt....it all came out.

My life stopped the day after christmas. I've pretended to be okay. I've pretended that I'm the person that gets over it. I've pretended....

I'm not pretending anymore. I lost her. I lost a part of myself. I don't look forward to much because I expect the hurt and the disappointment. I have showered the others with so much love. I have focused solely on Lee. I let Maggie get away with anything. And yet, still I hurt. Still I feel this amazing grief over something that wasn't ever really mine. She was an angel. She's at home yet, she's not with me. My home doesn't feel, sound, smell...well, it isn't the same.

I know that a new puppy will not replace her. I don't want to replace her. I just want a new beginning. I want to be able to look forward to going home. I'm ready to start looking ahead and not behind. It would appear as though there are very few in my life who truely understand this. Poor Evan. I know he didn't. However, after the other night I think he may have gotten a glimpse of what I've been going through.

Today is the day for love. Lee said it's the new 2008. I'll try it with her.....not sure how it will work but, I'll try. Apparently with Lee, I'll try anything. Even banging my head on a concrete wall. Or hitting myself with a hammer just to make sure that I can indeed still feel...even if it is pain.

Night of the Twisters...for real.

Let me just say it, I hate tornadoes. I hate storms period. They are my worst fear. And I live in tornado alley, so my fears are realized quite often.

Yesterday from five until eleven I was glued to my tv. I watched the powerful storms overtake our state and watched as lives were forever changed. My heart goes out to those in Atkins, Clinton and Gassville. As the sun dawns today, they are just beginning to realize the damage. The only time I left the news coverage was in the hour that I myself had to no power and no tv. I was in the bathroom with my pillows and blankets and dogs. We were all cuddled in the dark because I couldn't get through the house to find a flashlight. Of course, I was home alone when all of this was going on. Evan had to work so I had to rely on Mom, Lee and Amanda to get me through my fears and keep me calm. As I drove through the neighborhood this morning I realized how lucky we were. There were limbs down and I wouldn't be suprised to come home to some roofers. I know that ours took a pounding. My swing my not have survived and that makes me sad. Hopefully, it can be fixed. Ev is supposed to work on that today.

Once the danger had passed me and my power was restored, I was once again glued to the tv because the storms were now affecting others that I loved. While Lee had talked me through my crisis suddenly I was talking her through her own. Ryan was lost somewhere around Jackson when the tornado hit there and destroyed Union University. But, on top of that the black dot was bearing down on downtown Nashville. It was headed straight for Lee! It was a very long night!

I am happy to report that Ryan made it Nashville right after the first storm, Lee only slept in her closet one more time and everyone seems to have come out unscathed by mother nature.

It is nights like these that I wish I lived anywhere but in Tornado Alley.

I am praying for those of you who were severely impacted. God Bless...

The Monday Blues

Sure, every Monday has it's blues. But, here lately there have been way more blues than joys. Already 2008 has taken and hurt those that I love. My precious Lee has been through so much the last two years and she needs a break. She needs something miraculous. And that is not a helicopter landing in her backyard!

The last two weeks alone have rocked my world. I thought that I had this thing we call a life figured out. I had settled into a groove and I thought I knew who I could depend on and who would always be there. And then life really happened.

My baby, my precious Ella got sick. And within 24 hours I went from having four babies and not a worry, to three and this overwhelming pain. There are moments still, where I just ache for her. I feel like there is this hole and all of this emotion that used to be there just for her is just this rock in the bottom of my stomach. I don't have the correct words to describe it but, there are moments that come completely out of nowhere, will take me back to the day I last had her. To that moment where she leaned her beautiful head in my hands gave me one last kiss and then she was gone. That moment tears at my soul.

And now, apparently 2008 has decided to test us once again. An angel earned her wings. She is free from the cancer and happily dancing and drinking her margarita's. However, she left behind another angel. One who is seemingly lost without her mother. An angel that was brought into my life by what one could only describe as my life. We are so much of the same person, there are moments when it freaks us both out. Let alone those who aren't privy to "our" world. No one seems to understand us like we do. That is both a blessing and dangerous thought. We know that there will always be at least one person on our side, however, we both know that there are moments when we simply have to step back.

It's hard to believe that it's only been two years and already I can tell you what she's thinking before she thinks it. We've already been through the worst of the worst and the best of the best. Yet still, in the short month that 2008 has been there has been no denying our bond. From our matching shirts, to our matching cups, to our matching broken hearts we are quite the duo. Slowly but surely, we are walking side by side down the rough, crappy, stinky road of 2008 at the moment. I won't say life because it's got to get better...right! Yea, I know. In my world, things can always get worse.

I just hope, just for right now...that they don't. That I get my so dearly needed puppy, Lee finds the peace, Donna watches both of us, and the missing part of our trio finds her way back. After all, I am Gigi, She is Jez and we are aimlessly meandering with our peanut.