Two words that will forever have completely different meanings for our small circle. They will be forever associated with God's love and hope. We may not understand all of his choices but, we have to believe that he knows what he is doing. He is guiding us down the path.
August 13, 2008 will forever be remembered. It will be the day we met Grace and Faith. It will also be the day that we learned we didn't lose Faith. We will never lose Faith. We may not be able to see or hear but, it's like the wind. We can always feel it. Faith will always be a part of us. The constant reminder of God's perfection. We will meet again.
Grace sounds like a gentle nature. When in reality it is fighting. It's of immeasurable strength and epitomizes his glory.
Grace and Faith
8/13/2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
One of those moments...
I've come to the point that the moments of anger and the desire to physically cause Michael harm are few and far between. Yet, when I see him setting a trap for someone else, they flare up. Big time. People are starting to take notice that he has set his eyes on a much much younger, innocent, naive one. She's just what he wanted me and Lee to be, only we weren't. She seems to idolize him. She thinks he will take care of her. She thinks her life just got better. Her life just veered of the road and is careening out of control. He took her to New York. NEW YORK. Can't he think of something original?
I made a list of just a few of the similarities...
. 1. He seriously took her down the history of his previous relationships.
2. TrailerPark Restraunt....hmmm, I went there. He took the drunken one there....
3. Jeff is her new gay best friend...hmmmmm...(that's odd considering I was the female version of Jeff.)
4. The Barking Dog. Maggie's favorite place to go.
5. The "famous" bridge. Do you think she knows just how famous?
6. Korea Way...I nearly choked. We took Corey there.
7. Grand Central. Not even going to touch the fact that we met there.
8. Summer's Apt....this is where I moved after Tara left and this is where Lee came to visit.
9. Black and White Cookie....Very first thing we did when I got off the plane that summer
10. Serendipity...We took mom there. We took everyone there.
He truly sucks. Truly. And S looks horrid.
Oh, my blood is boiling.
I made a list of just a few of the similarities...
. 1. He seriously took her down the history of his previous relationships.
2. TrailerPark Restraunt....hmmm, I went there. He took the drunken one there....
3. Jeff is her new gay best friend...hmmmmm...(that's odd considering I was the female version of Jeff.)
4. The Barking Dog. Maggie's favorite place to go.
5. The "famous" bridge. Do you think she knows just how famous?
6. Korea Way...I nearly choked. We took Corey there.
7. Grand Central. Not even going to touch the fact that we met there.
8. Summer's Apt....this is where I moved after Tara left and this is where Lee came to visit.
9. Black and White Cookie....Very first thing we did when I got off the plane that summer
10. Serendipity...We took mom there. We took everyone there.
He truly sucks. Truly. And S looks horrid.
Oh, my blood is boiling.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Race for the Cure 2008
Dear Friends and Family,
I recently accepted the challenge to raise funds to save a life by joining the Because I Care(TM) fundraising program for the Susan G. Komen Arkansas Race for the Cure®. I want to help in the fight against breast cancer.
One in eight women will be stricken with breast cancer in her lifetime. In Arkansas, a mammogram costs an estimated $150. By helping me raise that amount you can help me save a life. The more we raise, the more the Arkansas Affiliate can give back to fund vital breast cancer education, screening and treatment programs in our own community and support the national search for a cure. Click here to visit my personal page and pledge your support.Please join me in my effort to save a life. Your generous tax-deductible contribution will fund innovative outreach and awareness programs for medically underserved communities in Arkansas and national breast cancer research. It is faster and easier than ever to support this great cause - you can make a donation online by simply clicking on the link provided in this message. Whatever you can give will help!
I truly appreciate your support and will keep you posted on my progress.Thank you so much for your time and support in the fight against breast cancer! This year's race chair is volunteering her time in honor of her three small daughters. That is why -- This one's for the Girls!!!
Sincerely,Tara Dedmon
To sponsor my participation online, http://race.komenarkansas.org/site/TR?pg=personal&fr_id=1030&px=1271281
I recently accepted the challenge to raise funds to save a life by joining the Because I Care(TM) fundraising program for the Susan G. Komen Arkansas Race for the Cure®. I want to help in the fight against breast cancer.
One in eight women will be stricken with breast cancer in her lifetime. In Arkansas, a mammogram costs an estimated $150. By helping me raise that amount you can help me save a life. The more we raise, the more the Arkansas Affiliate can give back to fund vital breast cancer education, screening and treatment programs in our own community and support the national search for a cure. Click here to visit my personal page and pledge your support.Please join me in my effort to save a life. Your generous tax-deductible contribution will fund innovative outreach and awareness programs for medically underserved communities in Arkansas and national breast cancer research. It is faster and easier than ever to support this great cause - you can make a donation online by simply clicking on the link provided in this message. Whatever you can give will help!
I truly appreciate your support and will keep you posted on my progress.Thank you so much for your time and support in the fight against breast cancer! This year's race chair is volunteering her time in honor of her three small daughters. That is why -- This one's for the Girls!!!
Sincerely,Tara Dedmon
To sponsor my participation online, http://race.komenarkansas.org/site/TR?pg=personal&fr_id=1030&px=1271281
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
I've caught the bug..
All day I dream about colors, music, clear tents on the grounds of a plantation, flowers...
The fun and easy decisions that seem to be in my very near future. It seems that there will be difficult ones too. And what's so strange is it should be the easiest. Shouldn't a girl just instinctly know who she wants to support her? Shouldn't it be about having the people who love her the most being there. Not worrying about hurting others feelings. Not worrying about people letting her down? My mom told me I was a "friend person." I have tons of them. I'm just like that. Yet, I don't know how many of them I would trust on this day. A day that means so much. And that's when it really hits me. How many actually know what this day will mean to me? How many have known the struggle and the chances I have taken to get here.
It's crazy to think that I'm even thinking of it already but, I've been dreaming of it for so long and now that it's in the forseeable future...it's all becoming more and more real. How much I've grown, how I am, how my relationships have changed and how some are stronger, some are complete wonderful suprises and some are faltering. Does history overpower the present? Thankfully, I have awhile to discuss and overanalyze.
Meanwhile, I'll just go back to clear tents....
The fun and easy decisions that seem to be in my very near future. It seems that there will be difficult ones too. And what's so strange is it should be the easiest. Shouldn't a girl just instinctly know who she wants to support her? Shouldn't it be about having the people who love her the most being there. Not worrying about hurting others feelings. Not worrying about people letting her down? My mom told me I was a "friend person." I have tons of them. I'm just like that. Yet, I don't know how many of them I would trust on this day. A day that means so much. And that's when it really hits me. How many actually know what this day will mean to me? How many have known the struggle and the chances I have taken to get here.
It's crazy to think that I'm even thinking of it already but, I've been dreaming of it for so long and now that it's in the forseeable future...it's all becoming more and more real. How much I've grown, how I am, how my relationships have changed and how some are stronger, some are complete wonderful suprises and some are faltering. Does history overpower the present? Thankfully, I have awhile to discuss and overanalyze.
Meanwhile, I'll just go back to clear tents....
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
I immediately went to the thought..."what's wrong with me?"
Not because I wanted him now but, because he didn't want me then. It's a reoccuring them. An awful one. So I go to the only person who gets this and this is what she says.
It's like Season 3 of SATC. Big goes away to Paris and comes home with a new gf/fiance/very soon to be wife. And Carrie, who waited on him for 2 years, the guy who said he didn't want to get married, is left with the question "Why her? Why not me?"
Carrie felt like she had done all the hard word, "breaking in" Big for marriage so that the next woman who came along was the one who got him. Because she had somehow gotten him to the place.
Do you remember this episode. At the end she sees Big in the street and ask him. He didn't have an answer. But she finally had an answer for herself. This was the episode where she says: Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free till they find someone just as wild to run with them.What Carrie realized is that maybe she didn't "break in" Big, but rather, she was the one who was unable to be broken in. He couldn't tame her, because of the kind of woman she was. She was not the plain pretty girl with obedient hair. She was not easy. Men want to be with women who are easy.
You, my dear Tara, are nothing of the sort. You are me, and I am you, and we are not tame, we cannot be broken in, and we will never be easy. We will simply be. And by that, I mean we will be who we are. We are intimidating because we are something different.
This is what I must remember. This is what we must remember. We are strong women. We are the type of women that our mothers wanted us to be. That's why they instilled in us such independence. We fight our own battles. We wear our scars with pride. We won't just sit back and watch you hurt us. We will find our own way. If that means that you don't want to come with us, that's your decision. We know that we are never truly alone. We have our angels and we have each other. Whether we are climbing mountains or mole hills...jumping or falling...swimming or sinking...staying or going, we are together. Surviving this crazy thing called our lives.
Not because I wanted him now but, because he didn't want me then. It's a reoccuring them. An awful one. So I go to the only person who gets this and this is what she says.
It's like Season 3 of SATC. Big goes away to Paris and comes home with a new gf/fiance/very soon to be wife. And Carrie, who waited on him for 2 years, the guy who said he didn't want to get married, is left with the question "Why her? Why not me?"
Carrie felt like she had done all the hard word, "breaking in" Big for marriage so that the next woman who came along was the one who got him. Because she had somehow gotten him to the place.
Do you remember this episode. At the end she sees Big in the street and ask him. He didn't have an answer. But she finally had an answer for herself. This was the episode where she says: Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free till they find someone just as wild to run with them.What Carrie realized is that maybe she didn't "break in" Big, but rather, she was the one who was unable to be broken in. He couldn't tame her, because of the kind of woman she was. She was not the plain pretty girl with obedient hair. She was not easy. Men want to be with women who are easy.
You, my dear Tara, are nothing of the sort. You are me, and I am you, and we are not tame, we cannot be broken in, and we will never be easy. We will simply be. And by that, I mean we will be who we are. We are intimidating because we are something different.
This is what I must remember. This is what we must remember. We are strong women. We are the type of women that our mothers wanted us to be. That's why they instilled in us such independence. We fight our own battles. We wear our scars with pride. We won't just sit back and watch you hurt us. We will find our own way. If that means that you don't want to come with us, that's your decision. We know that we are never truly alone. We have our angels and we have each other. Whether we are climbing mountains or mole hills...jumping or falling...swimming or sinking...staying or going, we are together. Surviving this crazy thing called our lives.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Letting go is Love
Who knew that now would be the time to let go? A time when everything is so close to being right and I'm letting go of the one person who I always thought I would share it with. We've both moved on. We've both grown so apart. We've learned to love anew. We taught each other what love was so many years ago and now, we are loving others. It's so strange but, I guess that is how it works.
LETTING GO TAKES LOVE
To let go does not mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off, it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable, but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another, it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective, it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more
Remember: The time to love is short
LETTING GO TAKES LOVE
To let go does not mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off, it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable, but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another, it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective, it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more
Remember: The time to love is short
Monday, May 5, 2008
With every beginning...there is an ending.
2008 gave me a split weekend. I was able to enjoy a wonderful wedding this weekend. It was a joy to spend with such dear friends and family. It was a beautiful wedding. One much needed to help me prepare for Sunday.
What a morning. Early up and back to Cabot. My car was at my mom's so we stopped by there to pick it up. It was here that she had the look and the sound in her voice. Something was very very wrong. In the most unexpected and worst way. Our Brandon was hurting. He had been hurting. We just didn't know it. He took his life on Saturday. Through the shock and the pain, I felt familiar feelings creeping up on me. The questions. Knowing that there aren't any answers. What can I do to possibly help with the pain? This is one that I can't do anything about. I still have too many questions from Matt to even begin to be able to heal with my family over Brandon.
He was such a beautiful boy. He was only a boy. He had so much to live for and that's where I'm lost. I used to keep he and his brother and sister when they were tiny things. He was that child. I'm just at a loss. For the first time in years, I saw Matt again. I havent' had the dream in forever and it shakes me to the core that there he was with Brandon. It shakes me to the core.
What a morning. Early up and back to Cabot. My car was at my mom's so we stopped by there to pick it up. It was here that she had the look and the sound in her voice. Something was very very wrong. In the most unexpected and worst way. Our Brandon was hurting. He had been hurting. We just didn't know it. He took his life on Saturday. Through the shock and the pain, I felt familiar feelings creeping up on me. The questions. Knowing that there aren't any answers. What can I do to possibly help with the pain? This is one that I can't do anything about. I still have too many questions from Matt to even begin to be able to heal with my family over Brandon.
He was such a beautiful boy. He was only a boy. He had so much to live for and that's where I'm lost. I used to keep he and his brother and sister when they were tiny things. He was that child. I'm just at a loss. For the first time in years, I saw Matt again. I havent' had the dream in forever and it shakes me to the core that there he was with Brandon. It shakes me to the core.
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