Snow Days

It's snowing in Arkansas in March! Really what is up with the weather these days! We had tornadoes on Monday, Snow on Tuesday, sleet yesterday and heavy snow today. Good gracious!

I started my women's bible study last night. "Living Beyond Yourself" I really really like last night. I could already recognize what I do when things seem out of my reach. I don't strain. I don't push myself. I just quit. How many times have I said "I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of pushing. I'm tired of putting so much effort into something that I get nothing out of?" I've done with romantic relationships, friendships, and even relationships within my family. Well, I'm going to go back to pushing my boundaries. Even though I don't think I can do it, God knows I can. He knows that the greatest things come with effort and a little blood, sweat and tears. So here's my goal....

1. Have patience with Evan. In all things big and small. God knows what my heart wants and if it is meant to be he will bring me my sparkle and my happy ever after.
2. Work on things with Emily. Even though I feel like I have been pushed out, I must push myself back in.
3. Push myself back into Courtney's life as well. We have come to far and too long to lose it now.
4. Push myself to not want an apology and a conversation to make things better with my brother. He's my brother no matter what.

As I sit here watching the snow fall I feel peace yet fear. What if Emily doesn't want me back in? What if things with Evan don't work out? What if Todd never wants to come home and be a family again? Here is me pushing myself out of the tomb of self denial and pushing myself into his glory and into his light. I feel like I'm pushing one of the rocks from stonehenge and at any minute it will tumble down on top of me and I will perish but, at least no one will be able to say I wasn't actively living and loving.

If you see me red faced and out of breath it's because on top of my running habit I'm not an active pusher in my own life. I've learned to stand up and not be the door mat. Know I have to learn to push the door wide open.